And so the drama continues...

Well, I'm back from tinylittleisland yesterday and had a whale of a time with a few friends. Was totally wasted (in the good sense) when I finally reach home at about 12am. Mom was still so energetic when she found that the kitchen floor was not mopped and proceeded to clean it up despite she has had a verylong day. My salutes to my mom. She's amazing.

So I went on my way down to tinylittleisland on Tuesday morning with very little plans on my mind. All I know is, I was supposed to move my belongings from a friend's room to my/friend's new room (depending on whether I managed to persuade the residential services people to offer me a room) on Wednesday. But luck has it that the said friend is not going to move into her new room until Friday! And I already have the tickets to go home on Thursday. So bummer. Totally nothing to do on Wednesday. And my only plan for the whole trip was to go to residential services and submit more documents to support my appeal.

Gosh. It's such a long story. Maybe I should start from the beginning.

The Beginning
Well, despite being the president of my crazy-time-consuming-tiring CCA, I did not manage to chalk sufficient points to be staying on campus. So I did the next best thing, APPEAL. And so I did. About 3 weeks ago, they finally emailed me to ask for documentary proofs to support the appeal. And I emailed them back, telling them that I needed more time as I was not in tinylittleisland then, and all my necessary documents are in storage. When I finally managed to get a letter written and faxed to them, I wrote an email. I was starting to worry already because the final stage to get a place to stay on campus has already begun. I didn't know whether I should still sign up for the wait list (fianl stage) despite not knowing the results to my appeal. And being the perfect kiasu person I was trained to be, I signed up on the wait list as well.

And as Tuesday began to draw near, I started to call the residential services to check on my status. The first call wasn't very successful. Then I called again, to be hung up by some dingbat. Finally I got through and I was told that my appeal was unsuccessful. I was angry, disappointed and upset. It didn't take long for me to raise my voice and ask them why they have never replied my emails despite having sent 4 or 5 emails to them. I did not even receive a proper reason as to why my appeal was rejected.

So Tuesday arrived. When I reached tinylittleisland, I went straight to residential services immediately to submit more documents as well as to seek for more detailed explanation. I wasn't really clear what I wanted to do with them, but I was just hoping that they could review my appeal again. So after giving them my documents, I was told that I could only be expecting the results next week! Bah. Was disappointed somewhat, but a little satisfied. At least I know that the dingbat lied to me earlier on about that unsuccessful thing.

And did I mention that I went down without a place to stay? Was planning to stay in friend's room for two nights, but found that the room was a little cramped (plus I have to sleep on the floor. Ugh) and that she needed to do some work to catch up on her final year project. So there was I, trying to be out of her way as much as possible and found a few friends to chat with to while my time away. Good thing I thought of a senior and she very kindly opened her house for me to spend a couple of nights in. She even gave me breakfast...so thoughtful of her.

And the next morning, I woke up and wondered what I should do. Made a few lunch appointments and then I decided to go down to residential services again, on the pretext of wanting to bug them. When I was there, I was told to wait. And I waited for a good 5 to 10 minutes and was told that my case was under review. And I waited again, for about 5 minutes and I was told that it was approved! Just like that! *snap fingers* Amazing. I must give this miracle a credit. And thank God for making this OK for me. I mean, you must understand how exasperated I was, thinking that I may have to move out to stay somewhere else on my own. I just wasn't prepared for that. And I kept on believing that something will eventually work out. And it did. Thank God.

Immediately after that, I went to check in. The room is nice, big and spacious. I have loads of space for my things. *happy* And the location of the room isn't perfect, but I am satisfied. At least is it away from the road, and it does not face another room. And best of all, it is near the jungle. *happy* Thereafter, I went to buy a few cleaning utensils and proceeded to clean the room. Also went down to Ikea (there was a SALE!! Whee) to buy a rug (only $4.95!!), ironing board (only $8.90!!), a few picture frames, 42 vanilla scented candles (heehee) and some miscellaneous things. All in all, I only spent $25 for manymany things. Heehee. So happy. I'm going to make the room very cosy and girlish. I remember some people telling me that my room resembles a guy's room. -_-"

Ah. So that's the end of the drama. Now I can't wait to move the rest of things in and unpack. And I can't wait to have visitors over too. *grin*

Drama mama

My own drama started to unfold late last week. The past weekend was a horrid week for me. I was a whole bottle of emotions at the verge of exploding. You know those fruit punches with gas? It has everything inside and there's gas. And I had to screw the cap super tight so I won't burst.

But burst, I did. Sort of.

Not in a very explosive way though. It just leaked and the contents started to gush out. Wasn't a very pretty sight to behold. At least it happened during the wee hours of the morning when no one (except him) could hear.

I think I'm much better now. But I'm still a little fearful. The drama is not over yet. I'm still cringing inside, hoping for the best outcome tomorrow. Otherwise, I might just end up sleeping along the streets in uni. Argh. Why must they screw up my stuff and made me so angry. I need to tahan myself tomorrow so I don't start shouting at those incompetent officers.

Anyway, I'm going to be back in tinylittleisland for a couple of days. And guess what, I have no place to stay. Wahahah.

You know what, I am kinda disgusted with those people that used to be so chummy with me, pretending that we are damn good friends when in actual fact we both know that it's only the facade. But then again, maybe this is the way to get on in life yeah? Pretend to be kind and considerate eh? Someone says that I don't give people the chance to understand me. Ah...I don't know. Pretty sick and tired of pretending. But I still do it with gusto and at the end of the day, I get disgusted with myself. Bah.

But I am very thankful of the people that was around. Thanks.

Oh shoot. I have not packed. And I am so lazy.

Hmm

Great. And so I did it again. I never learn. And I'm never satisfied.

Porridge steamboat

I just got back from meeting up with my really old friends. By old, I don't mean those advanced in years, but those I have known for a long long time. I think the last I saw some of them was in 1999. Yep. 6 years ago. That's freaking long. And when I was with them, I just feel so comfortable. It is as if the 6-year gap never existed at all. We still clicked and bantered and made fun of each other. Certain things just don't change and I am very thankful for that.

There is this saying that goes something like, very good friends can just sit together in silence and that could be the greatest conversation they have had. Well, I am so glad to be able to do that with my very close pal. We were sitting there quiet in the car, and just for a few minutes of silence, I felt totally at ease. I was that comfortable in her presence even after not seeing her for a couple of years.

I also realised that this is the night where my past, present and future meets. The delicate little point that finally reunites my past, present and possibly future. I don't know what the future holds for me and my old schoolmates, but I do know that we did share a special bond and they never forgot it. Although I did forget about it for a while. And tonight is just a simple meal outing, mostly girls (minus their other halves) still joking and laughing like there's no tomorrow...and ah, like the opposite sex doesn't exist. Heh.

Found out that a friend of mine just passed away a week ago. It shocked me. And I didn't know what to say. Guess I just wasn't "friend" enough to keep constant contact with her and her gang so I didn't even know she went into a coma and subsequently, death.

There were happy news of people getting married too. Some in celebration and some in secret. And many are happily attached for a good number of years. I can only await their wedding invitations. :)

I am so glad to have moved out of my little cocoon today. Tomorrow I'll be moving out a little bit more. I'm a little scared.

Confused lah

I have decided to start on my report after a long long time of procrastinating. There's so much for me to report about it, but somehow I feel that there is a very thin line between reporting what is properly academic and what is of personal use to me. So now I'm a little doubtful. Do the lecturers want to read about how good a person I have become, or do they want to see whether I have mastered the art of knowing what to learn so that I can please them? I'm a little confused here. I think I will go sort out my thoughts for the moment.

On other topics, I'm so glad to be tapping away on my Mac. I have decided to use my Mac to do "proper work" because my bro's computer, despite having few hundred GB of storage and latest pentium and whatother Windoze latest technology, is still my entertainment hub. I just don't do my work on his computer. You could almost call it sacriligeous sacrilegious sacriligious BAH. Whatever. How you spell that word. Anyway, I think you get what I mean.

Something bad just gotta happen today. And I am definitely not happy about it at all. Even though I know I was partly to blame for it (and I did my part in apologising), I am still not happy. I was made to sound like some unconcerned bitch as if the only things that matter to me right now is my domestic life. And there shouldn't be anything that I should be majorly concerned and stressed out over. And bad moods are definitely no-nos for me. You know what, I am human too. And moreover, I am a female.

And you know what, I'm going to stop talking to you for a while. I have never been so pissed off. And for once you are right, I just don't care.

Dramas are the best!

I had the rarest opportunity to be part of this drama unfolding in *cough*blogosphere*cough*. Of course, as an observer only lah. It's so interesting to see posts being written, published, received a couple of reaction from others, then edited, and edited, and edited and then *poof*, absolutely deleted. The real life action is so dramaaaaaaaa. Hahahaha. Fun to watch, nevertheless.

Well, I guess the personality that is involved would feel rather bad and stupid by now. But at least he tried some damage control. Unlike me, when something similar happened, I felt even the more righteous and drafted a f-off post to unwelcome intruders. But of course, I always have the privilege to be counselled by my ever understanding and rational boyfriend and thus, posted something he wrote instead. Anyway, that's really not my point. I guess I do understand, to a very small extent, how he felt. Hope he's much better now. He's such a nice blogger. And oh, I'm not a celebrity to begin with. Haha.

I can't believe this. Only 2 more weeks to school. Where did the rest of the hlidays go???? Argh. I thought I had more time. Blergh. Bumming and doing absolutely nothing is good. And I enjoyed it to my max. Let me see. When will be the next time I'm going to be doing this? I dunno. So. Sigh with me lah. *SIGHHHHH*

I need a ticket down to Singapore asap. I have yet to settle my housing because some lazy-complain-a-lot bum is delaying my letter!! Argh. I'm very crossed. And I also can't take Marketing Principles or Operations Management or Management Science as my breadth module for next sem. I'm miffed. And I'm smelling some conspiracy sneaking up to me. Should I go for the concert or not? It's a church event, but I dearly want to see my friends again. So how.

Right now I'm going to *crossmyfingers* and hope all of the above will be laid to rest in a grave. I'm off to dig a grave for all of them now. They are damned to dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Muahaha.

And YOU, where is my obligatory contact for today? *pissed*

Fragile

You know what. I have deleted sentences after sentences. Finding them utterly inappropriate.

I don't even know what I want to have on my blog anymore. Gone were the days where I used to wax lyrical, trying to sound poetic writing about the things I have observed during the day. Gone were the days where I bare my depression and anger on my blog. Gone were the days where I copy and paste song lyrics that carries lots of meaning (to me).

I am not sure what is this blog all about. I feel hampered. I feel the need to censor my writings just so some extremely sensitive souls will not get offended. But why do I do this when there is this thing called "freedom of speech"? Because I believe in being responsible of what I write. But this has led me to be very conservative with my thoughts, afraid of using extreme words and basically, just losing my sense of humour.

I am angry at how things have evolved to be. For the longest time, I have decided to push this matter to the back of mind, and be occupied with other more "urgent" matters. But now I have the time. I want to revamp this blog. Change the template, give it a new face. But what do I want it to become? What is it that I want to portray?

I think this blog has just entered its "adolescent" phase, where it's purpose of existence is being questioned.

As this blog is growing up, examining it's surroundings, I am also growing up and entering into another phase of young adulthood. I used to be so caught up with friends, loving every moment I spent with them. It seems that I couldn't have enoguh of them. I still love my friends, but I'd rather keep a little distance and just see them once in a while. It's by no means I am casting them out of my life, but it's just a solitary phase that I choose to go through. And it's also because when I was in the most difficult phase of my life, I was all alone. The closest even wanted to leave me. There were times when there are bright sparks, but they only lasted a moment.

I must have turned into some horrible monster.

Or maybe it's just one of my PMS mood swings.

Gimme $$$$

My brother's friends decided to drop by this evening after dinner to get some help in designing their company's flyers. And while I felt very extra, I just decided to hang out in my room reading Pride and Prejudice (yes, nerdy me) and play games on my mobile. After a while, I got really bored and went to the kitchen to talk to mom and she promptly asked me to bring the trash out.

And as I brought the trash out, a yellow piece of envelope sticking out of our mailbox caught my eye. Lazy me just decided to tug the envelope out of the box through the slot. A nice card and small brown box peeked out of the enormous hole I have created on the bubble envelope. It's a very belated birthday gift from US of A. Inside is a pair of gorgeous dangly earrings fitted with blue topaz. And the loveliest of all was a nicely handwritten card (something I appreciate a lot). Thanks a ton, YM. So tell me, what can I get you for your 21st?

Today is rather slow. And again, I'm riding the emotional roller coaster with my favourite monthly visitor just on the way. Oh btw, don't the phrase "on the way" sound so annoying? I mean, yeah, you are on your way, but where exactly? 5 steps away from your front door is still "on the way", 10m away from the destination is also "on the way". Grrr. I appeal for more clarity please. It's just a little pet peeve that becomes a major irritation at this time of the month.

Bah. I'm going out with my brother for sushi lunch tomorrow. I'm a little tired of the old books I have at home. I want new books but I'm broke. And my whole family's broke too. Blergh.

Blertft

I'm feeling extremely out of sorts now. I don't know why. It's just that the sudden change in routine (with the addition of needing to pay some attention to my housing appeal and the sudden surge of some people trying to contact me) is unraveling me. It's making me move out of this comfortable cocoon that I had carefully weaved and curled inside for the past weeks. Sigh. And the irony is, I actually felt BORED of bumming just the start of this week. Vowing to myself that I will do something productive each day (watching DH and Japanese serials don't count), I am beginning to get myself back in sync with the hectic life I was so used to. But I want to take my time. I still want to savour this apparent wasteful vacation. But of course, to hell with others' opinions. It's the holidays after all. I don't want to regret when I am 55 years old. I am not going to lament about the lack of carelessness careful way I have treated time.

Argh. I just want to have less of this thinking ability. The lack of such skill to weigh every single tangible and intangible things will definitely free me from unnecessary worries and depression.

And for those trying to poke me out of my comfort zone, buzz off. I need the rest. You don't know how much I have been through the past year.

***

On a slightly more cheerful note, I am starting on a new exercise regime. Yay. Gone will be the days of low-stamina and I won't die so young. Haha.

eh...

I am in such a bitchy mode now that I want to flame every single moving thing in my sight. Well, except the cursor of course. Hmm. But it's just blinking and not moving so maybe it's not exactly moving. You get what I mean? Nevermind. I'm just rambling.

And yes. I was spending most of my time watching Desperate Housewives (not that I am one myself, maybe just a little desperate. Heh) and was quite suprised that some of the characters resemble some of the people I know! By golly. Let me talk a little about those characters first.

Well, there's actually 5 housewives living in Wisteria Lane, but one died from suicide so she's acting as the narrator and oversees everything, including the lives of her naighbour. So there's Susan, Bree, Gabrielle and Lynette.

Susan is a divorcee living in a huge house with her 12 year old daughter. She's a little challenged in the domestic chores side (especially cooking), but she's a warm and insightful lady. A little low on the self-esteem, but she's kind. Somewhat clumsy though.

Bree is the perfect wife. She knows how to do everything, serves 10 course dinners, keeps the house damn clean and tidy and excels in small talks. She's always prepared with a little homemade gift for the people she visits and can be very thoughtful. But, she's overly self-righteous and perfect to the point of annoyance. Her hair is never out of place and she always have the plasticky perfect look on her face no matter how devastating the situation is.

Gabrielle is a young and sexy woman looking out for adventures. She has a freaking rich husband and gets whatever she wants. But she's looking for love...which she found in a 17 year old gardener. I think she has very nice dress sense.

Finally, Lynette. A high-flying-Vice-Pres-turned-housewife with 3 (or 4?) trolls children to look after. She's just so busy and flustered and barely has time to wash her face.

And the more I watched the show, the more I realised one of my friends is actually like Bree. She can be so annoying sometimes cos she is so damn righteous and speaks with a Jane Austen air. Ugh. Pretentious and plastic. And I believe that each of us has a certain proportion of those characters in us. The clumsiness, the flirtatious vixen, the pretentious perfect look and the parts that we have sacrificed. But of course, I am only talking about the ladies here.

And of course, some very "thin-skinned" people asked me to add this in:
haha.. maybe pop in something like "james is a nice guy" somewhere in between...

So there, I'm going to start working on a new blog template. Whee.

And a little shoutout to TLY: Teehee!

So dull

Look here. I am getting so boring that I couldn't even bear to visit my own blog anymore. Ugh. I DID think of revamping the whole thing, turn it into something more interesting and perhaps more personal.

But of course, progress is still under way. Still seraching for inspiration and learning how to use Photoshop CS. *grin*

As I have predicted. Even this post is so boring. I cringe reading it.

Woah

Have not touched my blog for sooo long! Have all of you stopped visiting?

Well, I'm home, with nothing much to do except spend my time in front of the computer engaging with eBay and watching downloaded Japanese serials and some sitcoms. Basically just catching up with my life as a bum. I have refused to engage in anything mentally stimulating (except those Flash games and reading) as I really wanted to be a bum! Wahaha.

Met up with dear Nadia. As cool as ever, but have definitely changed. I was a little taken aback myself.

Anyway, (boring stuff ahead!) london won the Olympics bid and it also got bombed. I'm not going to comment much on the events cos every other blog would be talking about it either on the issues surrounding the bombing (terrorism, religion et al) and the morality blahblahs. As I said, I'm not going to engage myself in anything that requires mental acrobatics so here we go. Just a passing (and shallow) mention on this blog.

Been thinking a little about my life though. I am starting to weigh the importance and cost of certain things. I'm also weighing the cost of friendships and family relationship. I'm just so lazy I couldn't be bothered to pick up the phone, not to mention battling with the lousy public transport system here.

For once, I want to adopt a tidak apa attitude.