Making mistakes

Those times when you’re supposed to shut up, you just blabber on until the person says, “Hey, I’ve gotta go.” Then you realize what dumbo you are.

Those times when you’re supposed to do work, you just stare into the computer screen, waiting for that familiar name to pop up and it doesn’t. Then you realize how much time you have wasted.

Those times when you wanted to pick choice A over choice B, you hesitate and left it blank. Then you discover that choice A is the correct answer.

Those times when you place so much trust in a person to do certain work, and the person totally neglects the responsibility. Then you feel betrayed for putting in so much trust.

Those times when the bed seems so inviting and you decide to lie there just for a few more minutes. When you finally get up to prepare for school, you find that you have missed the important tips on the upcoming test because you are just slightly late.

Those times when you put in so much effort to get that gift, but in the end, the person just chucked it in a drawer, hidden from light and not to be seen for a long time. Then you realize that the effort is given in vain.

So many mistakes, so avoidable. But they are committed anyway. Why?

Indon pop

Selama bersama
Akan hanya ada... cinta....
Semenjak bersama
Takkan ada hasrat
Hilankan cinta yang telah ada untuk slemanya

My latest craze. :)

The weekend that just passed

I just kopped a large collection of Chinese pop from my brother. And there were a few other classical piano music (yes! My brother listens to them!), some Indon pop and new age music. And this is with much thanks to my new 128MB thumb drive! Heehee.

The trip home was a good and timely one. It's really good to go home and be pampered by my family. I guess this semester has taken a great toll on me. Even my cousin (whom I last saw during Chinese New Year) remarked that I have shrunk a lot. Gaunt cheeks and sunken eyes. I must have looked terrible. Ugh. But despite that, I had a good rest at home. Totally ignoring school work and just enjoy homelife. Watching The OC was great. And talking to mom was indeed refreshing.

As much as I am thankful for this short escapade, I kinda wished that this weekend did not happen. I guess it's partly my fault for bringing up the past again and again. And to force the future on ourselves. I guess I was playing with fire and not knowing the full consequence. Now that I have been burned, you bet I'll be more wary the next time. I don't know how this issue will resolve itself, but I still have hope. I am still optimistic that things will turn out the way we want it. Believe it. And I believe the hope will not disappoint us.

I love you.

Dream

I dreamt of blood last night. It was oozing out from a thumb-sized, purplish bruise on my chest. I was amazed cos I could almost feel the warm blood flowing down towards my abdomen. The bright, red and thick blood made me more amazed than shocked.

And someone asked whether I was severely heart broken.

***

I remember a time when a friend was down with chicken pox. I was out shopping then and I came upon this interesting looking thing called the dream catcher. It was made into various sizes to suit different budgets but the basic design is the same. There will always be a web, tied into intricate designs by strings around a hoop. Beneath the hoop will be many bright coloured feathers and beads attached to it. According to the Red Indians, if you place this little gadget (doesn't sound too right, but nevermind) above the head of the bed, it will catch beautiful dreams in its web and drop it on your head while you sleep. It may just be another superstition, but it sounds good.

I shall...

...type a one-liner and hope to get more than 10 comments! Haha.

BAH.

I just found out several things that I wish I don't have to know. But they are necessary knowledge so I won't be running around like a headless chicken. And I guess being ignorant is so much better. The hard truth hit me like a big boulder and now my dreams are dashed. I think I should stop dreaming already. I am perhaps destined to be stuck here forever. No no no. I cannot accept that. Every single day never went past without me feeling stifled and having the desire to escape from this place. My only drive to stay on is due to the reward I'll be receiving at the end of this long 7-year period. But this reward is now gone.

I should just quit school. I hate this place. I hate this country.

Pet Peeve

The female robotic voice when I get directed to leave a voice mail. Her prim and so-full-of-herself-and-oh-I'm-so-righteous tone really make me curse at her. But there's no point shouting at her cos she will not respond and it makes me even madder. Bah.

Can SOMEONE kill her?

Blog Reading

I just had this little luxury of free time to surf around and catch up with my friends through their respectice blogs. It's always very nice to read cheerful blogs about the stuff they did and the interesting/exciting experience they go through. It is also heartbreaking to know that they are thinking of their special someone far away, perhaps half a globe away.

I just did a count. I actually know a few people (I have very high regards for them) that are sustaining a long-dstance relationship. Most of the time, these are happy people, living life to its fullest and making most of their time wherever they are. But sometimes, they do share their emotions, their longings and disappointments. And most of all, I feel somewhat comforted to know that I am not the only one engaging in this very difficult relationship. Sometimes it's just so easy to be carried away by the mundane routine of life, but I guess by reading their blogs, it made me stop and think. Have I been taking things for granted? Have I been loving him properly? Have I been showing concern for him? Do I still give every kiss with all my heart?

Haha. It's good to do some reflection. And I'm glad for this tiny window of break i.e., no tests or deadlines coming up. But my difficult period will be coming soon. I need to be prepared. :)

A gift that was lost and found. *grin*

Getting pissed off again

Why is everything pissing me off? First, I was supposed to receive a belated present. But some IDIOT gave LY the wrong address, resulting the gift to be diverted elsewhere. And what angers me most is that IDIOT was so insistent that the address was right. And now, that gift is GONE! It's GONE!!!!!!!!!! I think whoever the IDIOT is, you better own up. At least I will stop calling you an IDIOT.

Second, the presentation was totally sucky. I wonder whether the people that did the slides actually THINK when they were doing it. We (the presenters) still have to do so much correction and editting that we might as well do it from the start. People in my department is like this, no sense of responsibility whatsoever. As long as the part is done (and as long as it's a group project), the quality does not matter.

Since yesterday I was being irritated over and over again. I just want to go home...

Edit: I have found out who the person is and have apologised accordingly. Shall just keep the post intact to remind me of my state of kancheong-ness and the extent I would go at calling people names. Heh.

A little keratin problem

You won't believe this, but I was already awake 2 hours before my first class just because of an ingrown nail. Yep. You heard me right. I just needed to get it out. So there.

And I've just got it out. Yes. Hurts like hell. But the relief is priceless. :)

Urk. I am soooooo pissed

Everything was going OK today, until I decided to go for dinner and pick the stall that I would usually avoid. Being in a pretty jolly mood, I did not mind the 5-minute wait after ordering my food. And when the food came, it was just a meagre little portion of chicken cubes. I was obviously disgusted while the lady apologised profusely, wanting to charge me on $2.00 instead of the usual $2.50. And I paid her with a $10 note, looking at the pot with disgust while I receive the change. I looked at her (probably fiercely) and she immediately suggested that she could substitute it with some pork pieces instead. Even though I said OK to her suggestion, I could sense that she would rather that I go away with that meagre pot of chicken cubes. So I insisted and waited. And while I was waiting, she tried to explain that they are not swindlers and really have no intention to cheat me. But I could hear none of it. And while listening to her blabbering, I kept the change in the wallet, just to realise that SHE HAD SHORT-CHANGED ME AGAIN. For a $2.00 meal, it had turned into a $4.00 meal. I was furious by then. And she was "blur" enough to ask me to clarify. Well, all the while, I was thinking of paying her another 50 cents for that extra pork. But looking at how I was treated, I have decided to keep it, perhaps as a treat for myself in the future. After the food came, I went off in a huff. To discover that there were only 5 frickin' TINY cubes of chicken and a few slices of pork in the whole pot. Now, I was really hungry and as the saying goes, "A hungry man is an angry man". I got pissed. It didn't help that the rice was half-cooked. And the dessert they gave tasted weak.

After the unfulfilling meal, I decided to go check on my laundry. Lo and behold! Guess what I saw. A bamboo-rod-thin girl was happily emptying the dryer of MY clothes. And I just stood there staring at her. I should have just hollered at her and make her pay for another hour to dry MY clothes. But no, I was being polite (and dumb) to continue staring and kinda hoping that she would apologize. Oh well. Of course it won't happen! She's a bitch after all.

Back to the morning, I saw the most disgusting couple of all. They were PDA-ing as if they're in the bedroom and while the guy was hugging (more like molesting) her, he decided to move his hand to her facial area and proceeded to dig her nose. Euuuuuuu. YUCK. And worse, that guy have no social etiquette of any sort. As I was boarding the bus, even though I was clearly smacked right in front of the entrance, he had the nerves to place his gross-nosewax-stained hand on the railings RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. And even when I was borading, he pushed me. Bloody asshole. I wished I was wearing heels at that time so that I could pretend to fall back and step on his fat toes.

Urk. Such irritants.

HELLO, you

Yes, YOU! My email inbox seem to be devoid of your emails lately. And it gets pretty sad that I receive more emails from your mother than you. I think you should log into your email account right now and send me an email.

Why are you still reading? Go and send an email to me NOW.




















Hey. Go lah.

F***

I just typed a heart-rending post and the server died. Geez.

Back to Normal Life

I'm tired beyond belief, but I still trudge on. I thought I had a good rest through the weekend, but I went to school today, feeling kinda upbeat and enthusiastic about getting down to school work (yes, crazy me) but was greeted with friends' remarks that I look pale and tired. Uh-oh. Something is not right here...Hmm.

I actually spent a couple of hours in the library today, finishing up a lab report (there's still a last section to go, but it's ok. Heh.) And I am very proud of myself. Woohoo~ Need to spend more time in the library from now onwards. In fact, I think the campus is a great place to study at night, what with the lovely night breeze whipping my hair all over and having to weigh down my notes and just getting distracted by the occasional passerby...

So after the mugging stint, I was waiting at the bus stop. And guess what I saw. This middle-aged man with a huge backpack, standing in this unusually interesting posture. Both his knees were half bent and his hands were clasped together. So while I watched out of curiosity, he started swinging his arms from side to side ala golf playing style. He even executed a "swing" (is that what it is called?). And I could imagine a golf ball sailing through the air...Haha...How interesting and amusing.

How much of these human idiosyncrasies I have missed due to my constant rushing from point A to point B? Looking up into the night sky while the night breeze blows on is one of my favourite activity. I love the way my hair gets messy from the wind, and to inhale the cool night air. Bliss... Life is so much lovelier if I have taken the time to appreciate the things around me.

Life is good now. *grin*

Pessimism

I have this bad feeling about the June (or more accurately, July) vacation. My female intuition tells me that despite the assurances I receive, it will only result in false hopes. I really hate getting my hopes dashed.

Wasted the whole day away today. But I'm quite contented. Just have this itch to get out of campus though. But then I'm too lazy to wait for buses. And face the couple-crowd. Saturdays seem to be THE Dating Day. People dressed up nicely, smelling lovely, with a tinge of excited happy look on their faces. While me, the sullen one would trudge to the bus stop in flip-flops, t-shirt and shorts. It's really so unfair. :( But it's making me an independent person, allows me to treasure the little moments we have together and makes our anniversaries mean so much more.

Just Thrilled!

Made my sweetie sing The Rainbow Connection to me today. So lovely. :)

What Am I Doing?

A quite OK but a little hectic day today. Was scuttling around in my white ballet flats (they are soooooo pretty, but that's not the point) rushing for morning lecture (I woke up 30 minutes before class and still managed to shower! Haha...) and rushing back to take a quick nap before stuffing my head with more biological molecules. The test was manageable, although I did really dumb things such as not checking the contents of the referenace manual before use (thus resulting in sitting there stupidly trying to recall), and making careless mistakes like forgetting where GTP is produced in the TCA cycle. But I'm satisfied. It's not a stellar performance, but it is considered good for my attention span that was flitting between 10 to 15 minutes for the past few days. Haha.

My past week (after the scary concert) was spent mugging this biochem module, even though my brain was obviously resisting any input of information. But as I've mentioned. It was a tough job. Spent the whole of Monday just reading the INTRODUCTION TO METABOLISM! That is ridiculous. And then there was choir elections on Monday...so there...and even though Tuesday was relatively free-er, it was spent trying to figure out oxidative phosphorylation and the damned Q cycle and complex friends. And I still had Pentose phosphate pathway, TCA cycle, glycogen metabolism, gluconeogenesis, glycolysis and a whole large stack of lipid metabolism to go. Basically my point is, I'm so slack that I wanted to kick myself. Even had the time to go jolly-jolly with choir friends on Wed and Thurs...*smack*

Haha. But I'm happy. :) And that's the most important thing of all.

Looks like I'm getting my well-deserved rest after 3 weeks of maddening activities. *PHEW* Need to recharge myself properly before I plunge into the lake of endless lectures, tests and looming project deadlines. Woohoo~ This uni rocks man...my life is soooo fulfilled.

The Rainbow Connection

Why are there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Rainbows are visions, but only illusions,
And rainbows have nothing to hide.
So we've been told and some choose to believe it
I know they're wrong, wait and see.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
The lovers, the dreamers and me.

Who said that every wish would be heard and answered
when wished on the morning star?
Somebody thought of that
and someone believed it,
and look what it's done so far.
What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing?
And what do we think we might see?
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.

All of us under its spell,
we know that it's probably magic....

Have you been half asleep
and have you heard voices?
I've heard them calling my name.
Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?
The voice might be one and the same.
I've heard it too many times to ignore it.
It's something that I'm supposed to be.
Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection,
the lovers, the dreamers and me.

Will tomorrow, be cloudy or clear?

I have yet to figure out how to use Japanese or Chinese characters on Blogger. Anyhow, I hope it'll be cloudy tomorrow cos it's so hot now!

12.00midnight - I waited, and nothing happened.
12.15midnight - I waited, nothing passed me by.
12.25midnight - I still waited, yet there's nothing.
12.45midnight - I was still waiting, but nothing.
1.00 am - I'm still waiting, and hoping, but still there is nothing.

Sigh.

Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no

I have a test coming up on Friday but there is a performance cum meeting tomorrow night and a celebration thingy on Thursday night and my days are so freaking full that I think I might not have enough time to finish mugging all of carbohydrate metabolism and lipid metabolism. *pantpant* In short, I'm doomed. But it's so hard to summon the enormous elephant (or hippo) in me to get out of the mud and start studying properly. And this test make up 20% of my grade. GREAT. Now I'm trying to psyche myself to do some serious mugging.

:(

But all I want now is to be a baby and cuddle up in his arms. I am done with taking charge and giving instructions and taking the lead. I just want to be taken care of now.