HUH??!!

Read my blog from March 19, 2003 and there was a little comment written by myself that I'll be off to a dancing lesson. Hmm. Now I'm trying very very hard to recall what dancing lesson I went for. I don't think I danced at all during the long long vacation at home.

The good ol' times

Suddenly thought of Baskin Robbins 31. I miss the ice cream there. Cookie dough flavour and peanut butter. And the company that goes with it! Hmmm.

The Prayer

La forza che ci dai
E'il desiderio che
Ognuno trovi amore
Intorno e dentro a se

We ask that life be kind
And watch us from above
We hope each soul will find
Another soul to love

A rainy evening always seem to evoke emotions of longing and tenderness in me. I love it when it rains. If only it could wash away all my mistakes and all the stupid things I have done. So that when it is sunny day again, I have a clean bright slate to start again.

I'm sorry.

Post concert thoughts

Went for NTU Choir concert today. Wasn't fantastic, but the songs are appealing. Especially to the masses. Their concert was very much informal. Performers mingled freely with the audience and the emcees were *weirdly* members of the choir! It's unsual seeing the emcess crossing the stage to the mikes on stage right just to announce songs. Unusual. And messy.

Overall, I think the choir is more suited to sing poppish songs. They feel more and seem to be at ease with songs like those. Well. Heh.

Post Varsity Voices 2004

Tons of files and notes and some stray paper lying on my desk. Bouquets of flowers strewn across my table. Loads of stuff on my bed. Towel on my wet hair and I'm in my PJs typing this out. It's been a long long day. But a very satisfying one. I'm very happy with the performance. I gave my all. To do the audience justice for paying such an overpriced ticket. And to do myself justice for spending so much time in choir, sacrificing my time for those endless practices. And I'm happy that the concert turned out right.

Random thoughts running through my head. I'm very thankful for those people that came. And I'm glad that people are able to appreciate Missa Brevis despite its avant-garde, high difficulty and challenging-to-the-ear type of composition. And we were actually in tune for all the 4 movements! An accomplishment indeed.

The lights, shining on the conductor like some enlightenment thingy when we sang Mundi Renovatio. He looked like the Creator Himself.

The overtones, when we sang A Voyage of Songs. It brought tears to my eyes when we were rehearsing it before the actual performance. Because music, is such a powerful tool. It cuts through EVERY division, be it class, race, language or nation. Nothing is too difficult for music, but music is difficult.

I loved Miao Jia Shao Nu the most because I really enjoyed singing it. The rhythms and excitement tells the story perfectly.

Five Hebrew Love Songs is also another favourite. For once, the guys sounded romantic during the proposal! Haha.

Another major event gone. Another big piece of my life written in the pages of my diary. It's time to look forward to more new things -- tests, tutorials, assignments, term papers and finally, the exams.

How exciting.

Taking a break

Hullo. I'm in the middle of a research for yet another assignment. Though I must say this assignment may be easier than the history one as I get to write in my native language -- Science! Haha. So I'm taking a break from clicking all over place to actually tapping the keyboard.

Well, this week is probably not going to be as drastic as I thought it would be. 2 assignments due, 4-tutorial week, many many choir practices, a full dress on Thursday and finally, the concert itself on Friday. I'm still surviving. In fact, I have finished the history essay *yipee*, done the research for my Biochem assignment, did my tutorials last week and memorised all the scores by Sunday. Heh. Organised person, I am, don't you think? Planning ahead is important I guess, so that I don't get burnt out.

I'm starting to sound like an old ah mah. Heh. Maybe because Mr Ho's accident really knocked some "light" (if you could call it that) into my head. Life is so short. Anything can happen. It makes me want to seize the day even more. Sleep less, accomplish more. Tell those people I hold dear to my heart that I care for them, and I love them. Listen to more music, think more good thoughts and stay strong. His death has affected me more than I thought it would be possible. I mean, I couldn't bear to read his tribute (it's on the RJC website) or the piece of news again. I cannot bear people asking me how/where/why/when it happened. Somehow I feel a very deep sense of loss. And to think, he's only my Math tutor for only a month or so. If it happens to somebody else, like my favourite Chem tutor *touch wood*, I don't know what will become of me. I wonder how the people in his civics class feel. I feel for them too.

SIGH. Why am I ending on a sad note. I remember the last time I felt this way was in Primary 4 when the headmaster passed away from cancer. But I was too young then to appreciate life. Yet, I could feel a sense of loss.

Yikes. Better stop this depressing monologue.

To all my friends, I can't say this often enough, I love all of you. You guys have shaped me and made me what I am today. Thank you so very much.

And to YOU. For making my life full of meaning and love. Thank you.

Shit. Why am I crying?!

Sad

I am saddened by this news. Though I may not be his student for a very significant period, but I can remember his Math tutorials very well. Especially that on inequalities. Sigh.

I just wanna let gooooooooooooo

I'm in a soooooper irritated mood now. Not only I'm procrastinating, but I'm also trying to be cool. Y'know, chill-it-dude kind of way. My throat is scratchy and I need a quick fix of alcohol.

*SOB*

OK. I'm also trying to figure out why am I so irritated. Maybe because of that history assignment. I'm so worked up over it. And it's only a 1500-word essay. Piece of cake man.

And probably that explains why I feel like an ant. Small and insignificant.

Nova Cantica...gloria...GLORIA!!!
A heartbreak of tears...

Heaven and Earth

I feel this way sometimes, that you are the clouds high above in the sky. While I am just a little ant stuck on the ground.

I just came back from choir practice. And there will be another on Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. Yaaaargh.

And even though the cloud can see everything from high up, it cannot see the ugly things on the ground. And it won't get stepped on.

Comments

Read this.

Five Hebrew Love Songs

I.
A picture is engraved in my heart;
Moving between light and darkness:
A sort of silence envelopes your body,
And your hair falls upon your face just so.

II.
Light bride.
She is all mine,
And lightly
She will kiss me!

III.
"Mostly," said the roof to the sky,
"The distance between you and I is endlessness;
But a while ago two came up here,
And only one centimetre was left between us."

IV.
What snow!
Like little dreams
Falling from the sky.

V.
He was full of tenderness;
She was very hard.
And as much as she tried to stay thus,
Simply, and with no good reason,
He took her to himself,
And set her down
In the softest, softest place.

Awwwwwww. How lovely! It's such a romantic piece. *swoooooooon*

<3

It's been 202 days since I last saw you. Miss you plenty.

Wheeeeeeeeeeee

Haha. Just right after that post, I decided to do something different. Ie, try the VPN <-- whatever that means. If you see me online, do say hello! It's great to be back. Heehee.

And, today was the most productive day I've had so far! Since it's my off-day today, I spent the whole afternoon figuring out my assignment and preparing an outline for it. Now, the yucky thing I have to do now is read up on the books I've decided to look at. And then, the writing process itself. Am taking a new approach to writing essays now, so everything's more or less fresh to me (if they were never been mentioned by Pereira. Heh). I'm thankful for a spoon-feeding department. At least they don't leave us Science people out there to rot and die. At least we can have an equal headstart with the FArts (Faculty of Arts) people. Nyehehehe.

*gasp*

It's been more than 24 hours and I still can't sign in. Something is wrong. Seriously wrong.

Yaaargh

I still can't sign in to MSN and ICQ and Yahoo! and now, HOTMAIL. What is the freaking problem? Grr. Is this a 24-hour strike on me? Not allowing me to go online thus subjecting me to sites that are related to work only? And of course, dear Blogger for me to rant about my grievances.

Anyway, I have a good mind to trot down to the library to get my research done. How irritating. Why-oh-why do they have things like essays and research papers? *grumblemumblebumble*

Urgh........................

Wonder why ICQ and MSN couldn't work tonight. Been trying to go online so many times since 6pm. Hope it'll be better later in the day.

And something totally unrelated. Saw some pictures of a friend with her boyfriend when she was back for a break. How IwishIwishIwishIwish that we spent Christmas and New Year's together. Sigh.

Of beer and books

There was a Tiger Brewery educational tour today. Though the number that turned up wasn't really impressive, but I guess a smaller group gave the tour guide an easier job. Though I suspect he might have slacked quite a lot and did a very 'summarised' version of the tour. Anyhow, the highlight was supposed to be the beer tasting session. Wasn't too keen on drowning myself with beer at the weird time of 3pm, I took a small gulp of some beers. Mainly tried Tiger, Heineken, Reef (some Hooch-like alcohol juice) and Touche. Kilkenny was out of reach and ABC doesn't seem to appeal to me. Heh. But imagine the shock, when the tour guide presented us with a full mug of Tiger beer. I was like, stare at friend 1, then friend 2, then took a sip. Euuuuw. But it was different when I gulped it down (which was supposed to be the way to drink beer. So I actually learnt something today!). Light and refreshing. But the bitter after-taste is akin to those Chinese medicine. Hah. So beer is not my stuff. Anyway. Personal perference points to Touche. Light, sweet and bubbly, it's a champagne-beer. Took a whole glass of that though. *ahem*

And the tour! Couldn't see much except lots and lots of huge stainless steel tanks and lots and lots of stainless steel pipes. The packaging line seems more interesting probably because we get to actually see stuff in action. The machines are able to fill up to 40,000 cans, 18,000 bottles and 4,000 drafts of beer per hour! And they work for 24 hours. So...you do the math.

But the yummy Touche! I want some more. :P

And yep. It's back to my lovely books. More assignments and tutorials due! Wooohoo. And the concert's coming up in 10 days! *excited*

Lies?

Have you ever told yourself that it's OK to not do well in exams with the excuse of being sick during exam time? When the actual fact was you were not even focussed during term time. Have you ever told yourself that everything back home is still the same? When the actual fact was each time you go home, you find that people are drifting further and further away from you. Have you ever comforted yourself with the thought, "Hey, I'm doing alright!"? When the actual fact was you're bleeding profusely inside.

Why the lies? Is it a need to protect ourselves from more hurts? Or is it because "Ignorance is bliss"? Is it because, like the flower in The Little Prince, "For she didn't want him to see her crying. She was a very proud flower..." Maybe it's just a protective reflex, to shield the hurt part from further injuries. Well, since pain i) is an unpleasant sensory and emotional experience, ii) is referred and iii) sensitizes. (Definition of 'pain' from Neural Physiology lecture) *haha*

Ooh, a Happy belated Valentine's Day to all my friends. Did I forget to wish you all? Heh. Blame it on the test lah.

Plagiarism-mania!

Have you been in love?
Horrible isn't it?
It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armour, for years, so nothing can hurt you, the one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "Maybe we should just be friends" or "How perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.
I hate love.
----Rose Walker

New Look!

Ok. I should have used those time spent on blog design on studying, but oh wells. Need a little help though. The little picture couldn't be seen! Can anybody recommend a site to upload my stuff to? Thanks.

I love The Little Prince


You are the pilot.


Saint Exupery's 'The Little Prince' Quiz.
brought to you by Quizilla

This is THE day

Hallo all. I've set up the comment box again! Yay. And Happy Valentine's Day to all. Wish I could have a bit more time working on my template. This current one looks yucky.

A huge mistake

Arrrgh. Accidentally changed the template. Now it looks horrid. The template you are now seeing is a changed one. Shall keep to simple things until I'm free to get a new template.

*sneeeeeeeeze* *wheeeeeze*

Well, I've fallen sick. And of all times to be prescribed a sleep-inducing drug! FYI, there's a test on Monday which I intend to mug through today, tomorrow and the day after. Now I have to fit in my sleeping time after taking the medicine. Hmmm.

I really should sleep, but...

What is wrong with me. I'm dreadfully tired but I just cannot sleep! And I need energy for tomorrow, and especially the day after (Thursday). And I need the energy to start preparing for my tests. And the choir performance. And the project work. And the marketing stuff. And my parents. And the sheer energy just to get myself out of the bed in the morning. What is wrong with me? Why can't I have the ability to be busy yet stay sane anymore?

I need you, I need you more than anything now
I need you, I need you more than anything now.

I'm going mad.

URRRRRRRRRGH

*screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeam* I need to get out of here. I'm freaking sick of everything.

*cough* I should be fine in a while. Just need a vending (venting) machine.

Quiz

Pretty dumb quiz from here. And this is what I am.

1. You are attracted to those who are elegant and well-mannered.

2. In the process of courtship, the approach that would make you feel irresistable is straight-forward, just tell you he/she loves you.

3. The impression you would like to give to your lover is loyal, faithful, never change.

4. You don't like it when your partner is emotional and/or too moody; and you don't know how to please him/her.

5. The kind of relationship you would like to build with your partner is that both of you can talk about everything and anything, no secret is kept.

6. You care about the society and morality, you won't do anything wrong after marriage.

7. You always want to get married, but in fact, you don't even know what it really is.

8. At this moment, you don't want to be tied down by a steady relationship, you just want to flirt around.

Ah. Some of it spot on. But some...not so sure. But 8 is definitely not me.

dreamdreamdream

I had this dream. I was flying. Really flying and soaring. Just like Peter Pan. Over the clouds and up into the sky. I was above the clouds, above everything. I could see the beautiful sunset and the lovely colours its rays cast over the clouds. It was pretty cold then, but I was feeling comfortable and exhilirated in my spaghetti top and shorts. I could see this part of the clouds (or something else) that were frozen. It was like glass beads, forming this intricate pattern. Just like those found on old grilles in old colonial-type buildings. Did I mention that the view was breathtaking? But the most amazing was the flying part. The sense of liberation and the speed at which I was soaring was exciting. I loved it. But I seem to have trouble in landing on the beaches. It was a lovely 'flight' above the clouds and over the huge expanse of the sea. Really lovely. If only I could do it in real life. But there was one thing nagging at the back of my mind. I was flying and searching for him. But I couldn't find him.

Ramble on ba-bay...

I have a lab session in about an hour's time. I need to eat something so that I can sustain myself throughout the 3 bustling hours. It's really a frantic practical (if you may call it practical, it's not even experiments, they are more like practising how to dispense medicine) rushing all over trying to mix the powders, solutions etc and hurrying about to print the labels and then attach the correct auxillary labels. It looks easy and mindless, but really, it's the nitty gritty details that makes a whole load of difference. For example, typing the patient's name wrongly will result in severe consequences. Likewise for the mistake in typing 2 instead of two. No wonder most pharmacists are females. Males just couldn't be bothered by details such as these anyway.

Argh. The post was too long. Anyway, think I should make a move now. Have to get a clear folder and some glue. Cheerios. And oh, another performance tonight. I'm sooooo tired.

A jumble and a puzzle

I'm feeling quite confused lately. My emotions are in a mess and I'm not sure of what I'm doing. All I know is I have a far far away boyfriend that loves me more than anything and I just can't fathom why we have to be apart. Besides the obvious, of course.

And I have so many things to do lately. I feel like quitting. But then I want to know how much I can stretch. Thanks dear for being so supportive. And also to my friends, Johnson, James, Rach. For always being there when I was suicidal. Johnson, where is my chocolate?

Well, with reference to my previous post, this happened to be a pretty personal post. Heh. But I want to thank all the people that have made a difference in my life. For being a friend and not just a company because circumstance have put us together in the same class, same boarding, same hostel etc. And frankly, this is what is happening in uni. Nobody is real. Everybody uses everybody. A 'friend' in uni means someone that does the same course as you, and hence can keep you (or rather, the said person) from being lonely. They are the ones to lend you notes and to get some from you too. Everything is precisely divided and there are no debts anywhere. When we graduate, that's the end of the 'friendship'. Unfortunately, I am guilty of that too. And I hate it.

Happy Friendship Day to all my friends. All over the world.

Fivers

1. What's the most daring thing you've ever done?
Asking this question, "Are we on the right track? ..."

2. What one thing would you like to try that your mother/friend/significant other would never approve of?
Mother: Bungee jump
Friend: Who? So many lah.
Significant other: Don't think he disapproves anything. Heh.

3. On a scale of 1-10, what's your risk factor? (1=never take risks, 10=it's a lifestyle)
I say, think it's 7 or 8 for things not involving my physical self. And for the physical, think it would be 3 or 4.

4. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you as a result of being bold/risky?
Well. Happy happy! *wink*

5. ... and what's the worst?
Nothing bad that's worth remembering.

I don't feel too good revealing so much of myself online recently. It's just insecurity I guess. Found out that I have more readers that I thought so. Oh well.

Yaaargh

*screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaam* I feel like a full-time choral member and a part-time student. Songs keep on playing through my head (and it's in SATB ok! Not the cheapo melody line only.) and how the in the world am I gonna do my Physiology tutorial with stuff like lalalalala and te-muuu-naaa going through me! So, what are the effects of insulin deficiency? Easy-peasy pie right? But nope, I'm drowning. In work, and in everything (in love too heh). There's still so many readings to do. Urgh.

Just a note.

They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

How true.

Heehee

As I've always said, people that love you the most are somehow the furthest away from you. Thanks a million for the Valentine's Day card Yingmin! I love you too! *muacks*

Love actually.

You know it is love/affection when you see the person's face light up immediately when he/she sees you.

You know it is love/affection when he/she goes all his/her way out to do something that is beyond their character.

You know it is love/affection when he/she spends time with you just sitting there, doing nothing.

You know, how I wish to have my face light up once again. I miss you tremendously.